Can we still be compatible?

From my inbox………….. Can we still be compatible?

Sister Abefe, I left Nigeria about 11 years ago, and i left behind my husband and one child and i have been sending money to them ever since i have been able to secure a job here. The problem now is, i want to go and bring my child over and dont think it will worth me while to bring my husband over here as I believe we have grown apart. Do you think we will still have some sort of compatibility between us? I have seen marriages breaking down after people have brought their spouse from Nigeria to here and i dont want that to happen to me. I am not dating anyone right now incase people want to judge me based on that, I am just skeptical about the compatibility because over the phone even, we hardly have anything to talk about. Please give me your opinion on this. Thank you

One thought on “Can we still be compatible?”

  1. To the inboxer of ‘can we still be compatible’…….

    It is a shame that 98% of those that gave you advice or their opinion didnt see any other thing apart from ‘do you want to tell us that you didnt have an affair all this time’. Even those that diposed the most reasonable opinion couldnt stop for a minute to think outside the box but hey, who am i to say they are wrong, they said it the way they would have dealt with it without physically experiencing it………. What a sad world……..

    If there is anything i cannot stop thanking God for, it would have to be for the following:
    1. I am the last born of my mother
    2. I come from a family that is financially comfortable so I dont have the stress or thoughts of HAVING to be sending money to Nigeria to support any immediate family member
    3. I have the opportunity to have come and live abroad at a very very very young age
    4.I have a family that are still supporting me financially as a single mother that I am, that have no financial support whatsoever from her kids father
    5. I have been happily married once
    6. I am a divorcee
    7. I have made serious money in UK
    8. I have lost all that i have made in my life
    9. I am citizen of where I live
    10. I am impacting the lives of those in Africa even though I didnt grow up there….

    I am sure you will be wondering why those are very important to me or what is the need for that epistle; well my darling sister, your story is like someone that used to live in wilderness that suddenly realised that I should be living here let alone in this position of bending like a crayfish…. You have to have experienced certain things in life in order for you to understand the impact of the experience in your life.

    It is a shame that we come from a society that is only able to judge and crucify, they have no atom of true love for your mental or emotional state, no wonder we have many mad people on our streets in Nigeria and all people have to say about them is “it is the devil’s work or what they intended for others that happened to them’… For you to have come out to seek advice, you would have seriously thought about this from a very long time so therefore, i salute your courage and sincerity.

    Now to my advice….
    1. Bring your husband over
    2. Give the relationship/marriage one year to settle
    3. Don’t be the boss that knows all when he arrives even though my big nose people living abroad will still condemn you for allowing him to take charge
    4. Before you bring him over, KILL OFF ANY RELATIONSHIP YOU HAD WITH ANYONE ELSE AND DONT KEEP THEIR NUMBERS WITH YOU, EVEN BETTER, LET THEM KNOW YOUR HUSBAND WILL BE COMING.
    5. Many of the men that are brought from Nigeria are usually very lazy and majority want to quickly make money and go back, I am not saying that your husband will do the same but be aware that this is a possibility that could happen and that is why many relationship has broken. If such do occur, call his attention to what you both want
    6. As soon as he arrives, HAVE A FAMILY MEETING INCLUSIVE OF YOUR CHILD IN THE MEETING, BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER ABOUT WHAT SORT OF LIFE YOU ALL WANT FROM NOW ON.
    7. DO NOT DISCUSS ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR HOME WITH ANYONE, IF YOU FEEL LIKE TALKING TO ANYONE, FIND A GOOD FORUM LIKE THIS AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS, THEY MAY NOT SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR BUT AT LEAST YOU WONT BE DYING IN SILENCE
    8. Dont become a housewife
    9. First thing, encourage your husband to go to school, if he refuse that, then their will be problem in your relationship. Living abroad without some sort of education received abroad will make you to be doing minial jobs and i am sure you dont want that for him.
    10. Sit back and watch him behave anyhow, after two years, if you notice that he’s not improving, call his attention to it WITHOUT ARGUMENT THEN MAKE A SUITABLE DECISION FROM THERE
    11. If he ever bring to your face that you slept around whilst he wasnt there, then be ready to kiss the marriage good bye….
    12. Expect the worse but never allow anything he do to get to you to cause you to lose your sanity.

    Most importantly, ask God to give you the spirit of HUMILITY, without humility, it is impossible to live with a partner that you have not lived together for a very long time, especially a Nigerian, it makes it double headache and heartache, but with TOTAL humility, you will be laughing your marriage to an haven…

    Sorry for this long epistle, my koko spirit wont let me overlook the comments…..

    I wish you all the best

    Peace…….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *