My two months marriage

From my inbox …. My two months marriage

Aunty mi Abefe uhmmmmm I don’t know where to start from. I am a lady of 33years old and am a American Citizen I ve been in America for 6years now and  I just got married not upto two months but the moment we got married my husband that used to be caring and so doting I mean so doting changed towards me treating me so bad he stopped calling me like he used too .before I forget he leaves in london and I have been there to see him four times and the shortest time I have spent with him in london is 1mnth he has been in london for 12 years with no paper and when I met him he did not ve anything no job no house but I still stick with him because I love him so much and before we did our marriage back home without us being there we had plans of me filing for him (note he did not marry me for his papers, koko pls don’t ask if am sure cos am 100% sure he is a very honest person he never hides anything from me and I know he loves me) but all of a sudden he changed towards me saying I treated him bad because I never open up to him the way he did with me of which he has password to my Facebook he knows my movement here the only thing I kept away from him is when I use my gold to borrow money  and I co signed for my brother when he had problem with his black American wife and he needed a car to get to work and I did not tell him because I know he would be mad at me that’s why I did not tell him but he took it the wrong way and he has been so indifferent to me that I have fasted and prayed even begged him but he refused to change and now he has refused to join me in the state saying if it is for him to get married anyone in london to get his papers he will do it and even have baby with the person and I prayed for him on that to but he has refused to let me move on I have tried to tell him countless times I even offered to stop my life here in the states to come join him that what ever he feeds on I will thou until he gets favored by God but he refused too and am confused on what to do know .(note koko house I am not desperate to be married because I was in a marriage before when I met him and I left the first marriage because I discovered the first guy only married me for his papers he had two children and his wife in Nigeria but he lied at first they were divorced but I found out when he was not paying doing his responsibility at home and I kept questioning him he opened up that yes he is still married and he actually married me for his papers and no one can tell him to leave his wife and there is nothing I can do about it that I am his second wife but I refused to be so I left the marriage)

My now hubby knows everything because we were just friends when I was going through all the pains with my ex hubby but my point now is, am so confused on what to do I ve tried to move on with my life but my hubby has refused and it’s not like we communicate like before now it feels like am forcing myself on him I would send a message but if he does not feel like it he won’t reply and here in the states guys are asking me out but my husband does not show me love he might not even call for 7days sometimes and I can’t call because he says he works 14hrs everyday and when I call he says am so tired I need to sleep in a sarcastic way, he now talks to me rudly e.g cutting the Fone on me telling me get out or he would say he is no longer interested but after 7days or more he would call again and he would never say he is sorry all he says his girls ve let him down that now he wants to take care of himself he only wants to care about himself but he has refused I go on my own .

Sister Abefe sorry for the long write up am just in pains .Pls help me post this before I make the wrong move .

Need money to move on

From my inbox….. I need help to leave him

Good day ma, please am not writing so you can post my story but if posting it will be the solution then you can go ahead ma. …. I will be 28yrs old this june , am an OND holder in laspotech surulere campus , now to the main reason for contacting you, I want to run away from my marriage, and I want to take my daughter with me cos I can’t live without her, she is just 1yr 9month, I never knew marriage is Hell on earth, as I am talking to you am having High blood pressure already , any little argument with my so call husband he runs away from home(note: the argument is always because he cheats on me so if I accuse him he bullshit me and leave home for days ) this last one that happened recently, he left his phone in my shop and a lady call I pick the call and bullshit the lady on getting home and accusing him of it he pack his load and leave the house saying he did not want me again, I went to his parents house and also inform his friends about it and my parents too but he switched his 2 phones off I could not sleep and keep calling him till daybreak I apologise and send a lot of messages which I still have the history on my fone , he deleted me from his bbm and block me on his whatsapp.. Please I don’t want to fast or pray about this I just want to relocate with my daughter I don’t want to go into any marriage again buy be a single mom and live a peacefull life, since we got married I have never cheated on him for 1second, please I need your help I want to relocate and have already start working on this and if I want to leave I don’t want to take a single cloth of mine or my daughter with me so so anyone wuld not know about it .. Please I need assistance finacially , I don’t want to die in this , please help me out plssssss , thank you all and God bless you all..

Gone for 7years

From my inbox….. Gone for 7years..

Sister Abefe, my husband left for abroad about six months after our wedding for green pastures and i have not set my eyes on him since he left 7years ago. We do talk over the phone and he send me money and gifts from time to time but I am getting to a point where I am beginning to lose my patience. He told me he’s yet to fully sort his papers out, please how long more do you think I need to wait? Is this what marriage should be about? Please help me, I am confused ….

Be courageous but dont …

Be courageous but don’t be a liar….

Taking bold steps can be very difficult especially in environments where you will not be applaud for trying to make good meanings out of your life.

I recently called someone in which on a normal day I wouldn’t have due to other external factors. One, I dont want to be embarrassed for asking for favours, two, I don’t want my story to be talk of the town after asking, but three, I needed to ask someone for that favour because I was going down under. At first, I wanted to exaggerate the situation so that I would get bigger sympathy and favour but my koko spirit detested it so I decided to say it the way it was and this morning my koko spirit said to me “thank you for not lying to be blessed irrationally”….

When taking the bold step to do things, dont fabricate it, don’t do it to get sympathy, be real and genuine. Allow your situation to speak for itself and you will see how God will move in your favour.

Life can be unfavourable at times, in fact it can be like furnace without escape route but don’t worry, hold on to your bravery, your genuinty and honesty and things will work itself out. I remember a scripture in the bible that says ‘ when your ways pleases God, he will cause your enemies to be at peace with you’. Let your ways please him first. Lying may solve the matter temporarily but truth will bring better and longer even permanent solution if you can just be real.

Dont ask for the things you don’t really need, don’t ask with the attitude to impress, suppress or that will make people to notice you, but ask because you truly need it for the right purposes. No point in asking for a car when your salary won’t cover for servicing or fuelling, life’s gifts are given in stages to those who wait and truly trust God for their daily bread but exaggerated gifts are given worldly for those who don’t want to crawl before walking.

Be courageous in your infirmity but never try to achieve anything with deceit. Honest courage breaks boundaries and rules….. But courage with lies may get the blessing but will build bigger and thicker walls between you and your next blessing…

You can only lie to the wise once that you have lost your mother hence the reason for missing work but the wise will question it if you repeat the same lyrics when your mother now actually dies…..

With time, you will get there, just hold on to the truth without fear…..

Bless……

Child Abuse

How are you treating the children in your care?

I remember when I was young before coming to England, I always wanted to be sick because it was only in sickness that I get to eat good food, sweet, biscuit, drink coke, watch TV and not go to the river to fetch water or do tidious housework.

Now that I am very much older and a mother, I noticed that my kids when they were young, they don’t want to be sick and am puzzled by that. They are always happier in good health than when they are sick and this morning my koko spirit said to me that I feel that way because I lacked care, affection, love and pampering when I was growing up so that is why I can only attribute care, affection, love and pampering to sickness.

Although I never thought that I wasn’t shown care, affection, love and pampering as a child when I was a child but looking back now, I can confidently say it is one of the main reasons why it took me so long to learn how to appreciate and understand why it is so important to show and give children care, love, affection and pampering; it will build their horizon to see life in a loving and content way ….

What is the koko of this post?

I was unfortunate to have left my parents to live with family members at a very very young age (around 5years) and it was from these aunties that I experienced lack of all of the above. My question to you this morning is this, “HOW ARE YOU TREATING THE CHILDREN IN YOUR CARE EVEN YOUR OWN CHILDREN?”….

What we are experiencing on our streets today are as a result of bad parenting that includes child neglect, lack of care, affection, love and pampering. A child you don’t pamper will not know how to pamper others; a child that lacks affection will not be able to hold and nurture a relationship let alone marriage. Pampering don’t mean treating them like eggs or buying expensive things for them, it means, NOT MAKING AN 8YEAR OLD TO START ACTING OLDER WITH LOTS OF RESPONSIBILITIES plus lack of love and affection.

Every child deserves play time, family time and ME time, their own time to unwind and relax and to feel like human. After school let their brain rest, allow them to have good night sleep, they shouldn’t be the ones to fetch water for adults to bath, they shouldn’t be the ones to be eating the smallest meat, they shouldn’t be the ones that one pair of shoes…. Remember, THEY ARE STILL GROWING AND IT IS HOW YOU TREAT THEM THAT THEY WILL TREAT OTHERS AROUND THEM…… The way the child in your care looks says alot about your own personality and behaviour.

Why do you think that many adults are callous in the world today? Because they grow up knowing callousness as a way of life…..

All children deserve a good life, give it to them in LOVE, EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT YOUR BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN…

Bless ……

Dreams and reality

What do you want to achieve?

In order for you to achieve greatest things that will be permanent in your life and that that you and those around will be proud of, you will need to work hard with thorough understanding of yourself and your environment with contentment that will help you to focus.

Determination is not cheap, it means being ready to be different from all even when the going gets tough….

What is your achievement? Your achievement is your dream and you cannot achieve your dreams if you cannot work hard and not just working hard but working hard and eliminating all distractions at the same time, ALL THE TIME..

What seem great today will become nothing tomorrow except they are things of integrity and not GENERIC…

Dreams don’t just come true and stay, they come true by grace that helps you to keep on moving with you adding contentment in order for your dreams to stay….

Dreams without contentment is short lived comfort.

The question you should always ask yourself is, will my attitude towards life and knowledge of life allow my dream to be PERMANENT?

Bless……

He’s not hitting the G-spot

From my inbox ……. He’s not hitting the g-spot

Sister Abefe, I have been in my relationship for 2 and a half years and we are thinking of getting married later this year. The problem now is, I dont think I can handle my husband’s to be’s inactive sex life. I have a very high sex drive and I have always been managing myself. We are not living together at the moment so i get to top-up with dildos in which he doesn’t know about and I am now worried that when we get married will i still be able to use the dildo? I am confused and won’t want this to break us in future, please what can I do?

Traditional Wedding

Mature discussion…..

Traditional wedding versus Church/Registry wedding

I know at churches and registry weddings bride and groom will be read out a script that conforms them to the marriage institution and both would say “I Do”

In traditional wedding, I remember my dad just handing over my sisters to their husbands and nothing was said like a decree to make them confirm the institute they are letting themselves into ….

My question is this, how come many believe that traditional weddings supersedes court wedding?

When you don’t have a guidelines how do you know your boundaries?

When you dont have a code of conduct, why won’t you believe you can treat your wife or husband anyhow?

To the women that prefer traditional wedding to court wedding, why complain that your husband is treating you badly?

Did he make the promises in front of everyone, that “in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer ……..” So why want the best of both worlds?

Can someone with Sound KNOWLEDGE of traditional wedding throw more light into this for me please…. Not thinking aloud comments please….

Arrogant Women

Nothing in life should ever make a woman to lose her caring nature…..

Seeing many women/mothers turned into mini men scares me and makes me wonder if they ever had that caring nature in them….

Ladies, the world will frustrate you, some irresponsible men will cheat on you, spat on you, treat you like jerk, BUT NEVER LOSE YOUR JUICE THAT MAKES YOU A MOTHER OF HER GENERATION…

Be independent but never be masculine, be independent but retain your obedient being that makes you humble. Things people do will irritate you but don’t allow their stupidity to make you wanna become a robot. Don’t become a feminist but be more diverse in your thinking so you can acquire adequate and responsible wisdom that will equip you to make vast changes to your generation…

You are the salt of the land, don’t lose it because you will regret it as you grow older….

Over independent women don’t enjoy reality and life as a whole, they live to believe they are doing great not knowing they are only sowing anger, bitterness and ego seeds….

Be natural so you can enjoy all the things God has placed your way ….

Remember, no intelligent, wisdom endowed man or man with real understanding of the fear of God will treat you like a rug so make sure you wait for the bone of your bone ….. It’s never too late to meet the right person, YOU JUST NEED TO MAKE YOURSELF RIGHT WHILST WAITING ….

Bless……

Look and Attitude

Looks attracts, attitude keeps…  And looks supports beyond naked eye…

Whether in friendship or relationship, we get attracted to people at first based on how they look or how projected themself to seem on our first contact with them but as times goes on we realise maybe their attitude is opposite of their looks or their looks is opposite of their words or their attitude and looks makes them whom we are looking for.

Whatever attracted you first to someone may not be what will keep you with the person but could be what can break you up as other things unfolds…

But remember, one thing must ignite the friendship or relationship….

What we see in others is usually not what others sees in them….

Bless….