Dont hold others to ransom

Not my headache….. Tough Love….

Why allow someone else to pay for the past hurts they didn’t cause you?

Never hold anyone to ransom or cause them to be sympathetic towards you because you had a bad childhood or your previous exs treated you badly. You don’t need it so get over it…..

A man or woman that want a new beginning will always look beyond the past and learn positively and constructively from all bad experiences. Taking it out on others or making new people/partners to pay for it is a sign that you are also arrogant, selfish and self centred…

The bible says, “behold, old things have passed away and everything has become new”…. God don’t relish on our pasts even our past hurts don’t make him work any more magic in our life; so why should any normal person keep holding on to past hurts …..


No wonder we have so many men and women living in bitterness, anger, jealousy and pride.

Life doesn’t get better when you have the attitude of “he/she did me wrong and I can’t get over it”….

There are better ways you can secure yourself from getting hurt again and one of them is by  LETTING GO AND LETTING GOD


Easy and Hard, choose…

Easy and Hard…..

To go up is hard, to come down is easy

To stay up is hard, to remain down is easy

To be a fool is easy, to be wise is hard

To remain wise is hard, to become a fool is easier

The best things in life are hard to achieve and to remain successful, it require harder work and that’s why lazy people, backbiters and people with low self esteem will continue to envy hard-working and clever people because they so much find their comfort zone too easy to move away from…

Do the harder stuff, it’s more rewarding on the long run…

All you need is reprogramming of your thoughts


Past is Past

Past is Past…..

Many people are still stagnant or going round in circle in their relationship life today because they refuse to accept that their past is there for them to learn from positively and not for them to keep dwelling on it….

It takes two to tango so why always apportioning the blame on one person in a relationship???

Get over yourself, stop being emotionally and mentally arrogant and start behaving like someone that want to live again and want to live it with fullness of joy…..

You were also a contributor, directly or indirectly so stop nagging like a headless chicken ….

Drop your baggage of past hurts in the past and move onnnnn …. Anyone that is still listening to your past relationship hurts and want to date you will eventually leave you because he or she will eventually figure out that, YOU ARE NOT READY TO CHANGE SOMETHINGS IN YOU AS WELL…..

Learn to be yourself again and leave all other possibilities to God to take care of….

Relationship should never be a do or die affair, it doesn’t work, don’t turn it into a lifetime of nagging…. No normal person has got the time and those that do have the time will sooner or later get tired of your nagging attitude…

Grow up…..


She nags too much

From my inbox….. She doesn’t trust men/me

Madam Abefe, I have been with my girlfriend for three months, she said no to sex for now and I agreed because she said she has been hurt badly by men in the past so I leave it to when she’s ready for it. I have not asked her to visit me at my house so she won’t feel vulnerable or something. What I am finding annoying is this, in every conversation she is always going on about how men are bad and how we can’t be trusted. Honestly this is a lady that has got nothing of material value to give me or that I need off her other than true love I believe should be given in relationship. How do I get her to stop reminding me of this as I am beginning to lose interest in that nagging about her past bad experiences…. I have tried to discuss it with her so many times but she doesn’t seem to get the gist.



Jealousy starts from when you find someone’s happiness, openness and courage annoying or not appropriate in certain areas….. It is an indicator that you are suffering from personality disorder….

Mental health issues do not necessarily mean you will be living rough and looking unkept, you may be living in mansion, be well educated, have all the basics you need and still be suffering from mental health issues that cripped into your life as a result of jealousy which most times is the foundation of depression, that leads to unprovoked anger and bitterness you have towards others ….

Deal with those negative thoughts you have towards others if you truly want to be 100% happy with YOUR OWN SELF and life…

Happiness is a choice that comes into your life when you chose to be HAPPY FOR OTHERS irrespective of the inequalities between you and them……


He pretended

From my inbox …… Reference to my post

Good day sis, more greece to your elbow. As per your recent post. I know of a lady who is in a marriage now based on lies all because the guy believes he is rich and doesn’t want a woman who will marry him because of his wealth. So he decided to go through a pastor but unfortunately for the guy this lady happens to be a friend to the pastors son’s wife. So she happens to hear of the story and persuaded her friend to introduce her to the guy through the pastor. So she played along neatly despite the guy pretending not to have a job and not giving this lady money during their courtship.

She never complained of anything until they got married. She has now become egun eja/fish bone on the guys neck with her insatiable urge for money . My point is she wouldn’t have married this guy if he had been truly poor and the guy if he had been himself he might not have gotten into that mess. Why should anyone pretend he/she is what they are not so as to get the best out of life? I believe with God, and our good wills the best will always come our way. Things happen for us to learn lessons and always ajust. Thanks ma.

Confident people V low self esteem

Confident people versus low self esteem people

I am amused to see how low self esteemed people are towards confident people….. I can now see clearly how unwarranted anger, bitterness and hatred are created for no apparent reasons towards confident people ….

From this moment, I have changed my hat and need to say this, if someone’s confident attitude is intimidating you, maybe it’s about time you check yourself out CRITICALLY….. Yes we are not talented the same way but learning to build yourself up irrespective of your class or qualifications will deliver you from many cancers ….

Feeling intimidated by people that are confident, open, always happy and goal getting is an indication that you have alot of issues to sort out with your head….

Depression is lingering in your life if you find your confident neighbour intimidating….. Learn to be happy for those that are making brilliant success out of their life and are able to stand up for themselves FOR THE RIGHT REASONS..

Remember, they are not the cause of your low self-esteem and inability to be prosperous…

It won’t be nice is you die of jealousy or bitterness that causes cancer..