Yeahhh, its another Thursday, tune in live to Abefe Ibadiaran Radio Talk show, from anywhere in the world where internet access is available, just go to www.realkoko.com @6pm UK time

Topic for discussion:

1. Where is green pasture?
2. Does it make sense to leave Nigeria as a legal citizen to go and live where you may remain illegal indefinitely?
3. Is moving abroad the ultimate for Nigerians?
4. Why do we think moving abroad without accommodation, money and all essential things to set up makes sense?

call Abefe on 07572 658844  or  if you are calling from abroad call +44 7572 658844

Topic:

what do you think about mothers of this generation?
Are women still in tune with motherhood?
Will you be happy to marry a man like your mother

Come lets talk about it
Call 07572 658844, + 44 7572 658844

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Was in relationship with a guy for just over two years, he was looking forward to the day that I will say “Darling, I have missed my period, hurray I am PREGNANT”….. But months after months pregnancy didn’t come. Messages from prophets that I was surrounded by children….. Interesting.

What I found strange was, this guy was yet to legalize himself in this country, he was earning 500pounds a month and spending 400pounds on transportation every month, but he did not tell me how we were going to look after this “invisible baby” of his.  Yes, I was running my own business and business was booming, I had a live-in Aupair, two kids from my previous marriage who were still very young at the time Mr. Man wanted me to get pregnant.

Unfortunately, someone came to visit us and accidentally said “Abefe! Ah, thank you so much ooo, I have had the implant done, infact you are God sent, maybe I would have gotten pregnant again now if not because of this implant you asked me to go and do”. Loool, I felt like collapsing, I was eyeing my friend to shut up but she didn’t get the signal, she just went on and on with this implant and pregnancy story.

 About five minutes later, my dearest darling called me to come and see him in the bedroom; on getting to him he said “where is your own implant”? I immediately denied it and bluffed if off, told him ahaha “what do you mean, we are trying for a child, what will I be doing with an implant? Nawa oooo” ….. hhhhmmmm…. Fortunately for me he didn’t push any further because I was about to turn it into an argument of “so you don’t trust me” loool … you know us women now.

Yes, I had the implant, I knew I wasn’t trying to get pregnant but he was the one living in fantasy of us trying, and there was no way I would have gotten pregnant for him knowing his current condition then. So many times not only women tie men down with a child but men as well do use this pregnancy thing to hook a woman down and a woman that refused to live in reality won’t get her priorities right. I am a single mum of two, and at the time my youngest was 3yrs old without biological father’s support, wont I have been stupid to have gotten pregnant for a man that his current salary will not even feed the child talkless of five of us.

Women wake up; don’t let any man tie you down with a child especially if you are a strong woman and already a single mum. IT DOESN’T WORTH IT…….. LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP, LOVE, BEARING IN MIND WHAT IS CALLED REALITY….

Under no circumstances should you (women) let your boyfriend move in with you especially in times of hardship.... Don't feel too concern about his living conditions, about his papers, let him ask you for help, don't jump the gun, don't promise what you will tie to another condition. Don't help him because you are bored and seriously in need of a partner.

If you are so kind and want to help him, you are better off paying for his accommodation even if it's a room until he can start helping himself. Moving in together when your relationship is early or not conclusive will only bring bitter ending. I ve done it once but will never ever do it again. You will always be seen as a bad one when arguments elude, your kindness will be seen as a marriage trap, your honesty will be taken for desperation.

Yes, some women are desperate but this post is not for them... This post is for women that have their dignity to protect. Women that are mothers, a good mother will not tell you to move back home when you have moved out but she will support you wherever you are to get you back on your two feet. London women, learn to talk together, ascertain your focus and mission, move in to somewhere together, that way no one will be seen as taking control over one.

To those of you women that are living large, you have a nice car, nice house and a mortgage, to be honest with you, in this London you are on your own, it will only take divine intervention of God for you not to fall into the hands of "419 or yahoo-yahoo guys" ...... I have been there and done it, men 419 and yahoo-yahoo me including a Pastor and that was when my brain opened. if care is not taken you will forever be financing such relationship both home and away and eventually you will be seen as a dominating women. Not until you go back to basics and start living moderately like a real woman that is when you will meet a genuine God sent guy (even thou I have not met one but I am no longer a victim). If you have Lamborghini I will suggest you but second car like fiesta to use to disguise.

Topic:
Has our mothers been good with the way they have raised us? Is our mothers behaviors to our fathers affecting our own relationship now? have you learnt from your mothers experiences, both good and bad?

Call: + 44 7572 658844

Live discussion at 6pm UK time (GMT) ..........

Waoooo, I am thrilled, my very first broadcast coming up today at 6pm UK time (GMT) .......... hhhmmmm ........ I cant wait......... Tuned in and make sure you contribute...... love u all

Topic: Has our mothers been good with the way they have raised us? Is our mothers behaviors to our fathers affecting our own relationship now? have you learnt from your mothers experiences, both good and bad?

Call: + 44 7572 658844

NAG OR NAGGING MEANS THE SAME THING – Nag is the word whilst Nagging is the doing of the word!!!

In recent years, I have heard so many Nigerian men using the words NAG AND NAGGING to describe the attitude or behavior of their partner and I have actually told a guy I used to date as well that HE NAGS TOO MUCH. I can confidently say that we have abused and misinterpreted the meaning of these beautiful words in order to get away from our responsibilities.

What we have refused to understand according to the English meaning and definition of NAG/ NAGGING is that, NAG/ NAGGING means PERSISTENTLY COMPLAINING whilst your partner having to CONSISTENTLY REMINDING you of your responsibilities every day is not an act of NAGGING. NAG and NAGGING is when you intentionally annoy other people, finding faults and complaining about everything and anything. 

What is happening in majority of African relationships and marriages is no way where NAG or NAGGING, I am glad to see lovely comments when I asked the meaning of NAG/ NAGGING yesterday but what struck my mind was the adage someone wrote that “the yam that repeat its words does not get burnt/ isu atenu moro kii jona”…… if we believe that we as humans NAGS each other, that means in other words we are NAGGING GOD AS WELL EACHTIME WE LAY OUR REQUESTS BEFORE HIM KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT OUR REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME  (car, money, child, deliverance, prosperity etc).

For any man that sees his partner as someone that is NAGGING because she has been asking for the money to pay the kids school fees, money to buy groceries for the house, requesting money to do her hair, asking why her partner keeps coming home late, asking when they are likely to finalize their relationship etc then such man is only avoiding his RESPONSIBILITIES and using NAG/ NAGGING to justify is IRRESPONSIBLE ACTS.

Yes, there are ways that you ask you partner for things and questions, but in a relationship where both parties involved have the same focus and mission, none of you should be asked or need constant reminder in order to carry out your responsibilities before you WILLINGLY DO THEM.  Women that now thinks that their partner is NAGGING, then it is a serious shame on you, as a REAL WOMAN, when your man comes home from work, his food should be ready or nearly ready and him complaining about it should not be seen as NAGGING, because your husband or partner complains about your partying animal behavior should not be seen as NAGGING.

As there is a thin line between life and death, same rules apply to our behaviors and interpretations. DISCUSSING RESPONSIBILITIES ISSUES OR CONSTANT REMINDER OF RESPONSIBILITIES SHOULD NOT BE DEFINIED AS NAGGING BUT AN ACT OF REQUESTING CHANGES. I am sure if your boss keeps complaining about your performance at work; you surely will sit tight and start performing and won’t see him or her as NAGGING

Most people have been told not to tell their personal business or intimate matters to others, they have been told this for either spiritual reasons or as a cautionary measure knowing or believing that no one is to be trusted in the world we are living today.

Yes to trust anyone in the world we are living today may be a daunting thing but to be quite honest how many things can you bottle inside of you without exploding at some point in life. Keeping or having secrets only make you vulnerable to not find help when it is desperately needed; it keeps you away from reality and will deny you access to quality people. Yes, you don’t need to be telling every dick and harry your personal or intimate problems or business but you must know how to express yourself without giving all the clues away (if you think you must hide everything and anything).

I have seen people die with secrets that could have reunited families and friends, secrets about hidden treasures that could have made someone rich, secrets that could have been answers to someone’s child barrenness, secrets that could have delivered people from bondage etc.

In as much as no one can be trusted and some blind people will say “tell Jesus/ God all your problems” forgetting that God will be sending someone to help them. It is a good and best idea to tell God all your predicaments but one thing I know and sure about is, God will still direct you to someone that will hear you out, a shoulder to cry on and a friend in need. Yes, there is no friend like Jesus but He will still give you a confidant, your partner, a soul mate, that someone will be used to soothe your pain when needed.

To the men that have been brought not to tell their wives everything, please carry on doing so, I can assure you that you are on your own, when you die or in pain don’t be surprised to see your dearest wives moving on swiftly. Holding vital information back from your wife or husband only means one thing “YOU SHOULD NOT BE TRUSTED AND NOT DEPENDABLE”. In a godly marriage or relationship, transparency should be the first rule and commandment, a relationship that lacks transparency should not think of having children because the upcoming children will eventually be infected of this bad attitude.

In life to be happy you must be as transparent as you can be, remember there are a lot of risks in keeping secrets; it affects your health, progress, prosperity and dignity. Keep it REAL  

Yes, it is Baba Adeboye's birthday today, yes we can wish him happy birthday but what i find irritating and hypocritical about it, is seeing so many people using Pastor Adeboye's picture on there Facebook and Blackberry profile ........ loool.......... Nigerians never seizes to amuse me; 98% of the people that has used Adeboye's picture today has never ever use any of their biological parents picture on there profile or doesn't their parents celebrate their birthdays or even have date of birth ni? It is more honorable to develop a good home than external relationship........ good name starts within your family, just like some men that will buy cars, houses etc for girlfriends but their wives will be using public transport........... IT IS ABOUT TIME WE STOP THIS HYPOCRITICAL BEHAVIOR............ Whenever my mum sees her picture on my Blackberry or Facebook, she blesses me even more, she always tell me I AM HAPPY TO SEE THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME........... anyway i am not surprised since some 9Ja people in London cant even stay in their family home when they visit 9ja so how will dey flaunt parents on www............. GET REAL